Short Cummings

I am writing this blog at 1.52am following a very disappointing encounter with someone who talked a good talk!!! It all started last summer, I met ‘Paul’ on a dating website and we went out a couple times and we ended up spending the night together and having all the fun that can be had without having sex ……. I can now remember thinking this odd at the time!!! Anyway things fizzled out and I started dating someone else with more long term promise.

Well things started up a week ago when I was having a Sunday night in planning a holiday, I remembered Paul telling me he had been to where I was going and thought I would ask for some advice. Paul got straight back to me and it quickly turned to flirty messages, it had been quite a while since I had fun and frolics with anyone so thought what harm could it do?? Massive ERROR!!!

Over the following week the flirtatious messages soon turned to sexting and very good sexting at that! We arranged to meet up at my place after I had been to a friends birthday, and have a whole night of passion. He was going to bring a bottle of wine and I had found some fun dice to play with!

So the night came, I did all the normal prep ….. had a wax, de-fluffed, changed the bedding and tidied the flat. I went out with my friends for the birthday and had warm up texts with Paul! When I got home at about 11.30pm I had a quick freshen up and it wasn’t long before there was a ring at the intercom.

Paul came in and said he had picked us up a nice bottle of wine, it’s important to write now that I should have know something was not right when I saw the bottle…… ECHO FALLS, seriously who buys echo falls outside of the 1990’s!!!! Well I forced a glass of the sickly sweet red wine down and then was confronted with the second clue of what I was in for. “ Sorry babe, but I can’t stay over, I have to be back to let the dog out” This was the first mention of a dog he had ever made.

Well we started to have a ‘play’ and I gave the courteous blow job to ensure he lasted longer second time around; after all there had been a big build up and not all guys think to have a cheeky wank first! As always the technique given to me by a uni friend of twisty twisty lick lick went down very well, and he was soon telling me how amazing I was and wanting to repay the favour…. well it would be rude not to let him wouldn’t it?!

Well his tongue was skilled, not the best not the worst but was definitely pleasurable. I thought I would give him a little longer to recover but he wanted to get straight back on it! So after a bit more kissing and canoodling I started to think here it comes……the sex bit…..but it never came…… well he did come; all over my stomach!!!! He couldn’t even get it in!!! I was horrified, he just looked at me with a satisfied smile, not an apologetic look in sight! Well I thought he would at least have the decency to give me the second orgasm that he had been lucky enough to have a mere 25 mins after the first! So I asked him as he wasn’t showing any signs of being pro-active “So…. are you going to finish me off then?”
“Sorry babe, my tongues tired and I’ve got to go let the dog out”
“You have got to be kidding me?!” I replied “You better leave the money on the table for services rendered!”

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The easter egg hunt……………….

So I decided to get back in the saddle after being off the dating scene for a few months. I had my faith restored after dating a charming and handsome man (lets call him John) for two to three months. We had several lovely dates where I was wined and dined and as he worked in the wine industry I got to develop a taste for expensive wines!! Now as lovely as he was and as amazing as the sex turned out to be something just wasn’t there and we mutually agreed to end things but stay friends. Now this has worked out well we have met up a few times since things ended and had a lot of giggles and both agree that we work better as friends. Obviously after meeting such a lovely guy I was left with a feeling that the world made sense again and there was hope for me…….then I met the ‘easter bunny’!!!!

To set the scene I met the ‘easter bunny’ on the XFM dating website, this is where I had met John and thought he had turned out to be very normal, to me this was promising! Now the easter bunny contacted me we started chatting and we clicked straight away. I liked that he wanted to meet up quickly and get to know each other face to face rather than by email, to me I want things to develop as organically as possible and want to know if there is a spark there from the beginning. I think it is very easy to be witty by text or email when you have time to think of a response but this isn’t always the case in person (something I have learnt through my early days of online dating). We chatted about what we wanted out of life, future goals, what we wanted out of a partner and the fact that we both wanted children.

This guy has a lot of potential I was thinking and decided that it might be time for him to see my flat….. it had also been a few months since anyone had ‘seen my flat’! He came round and we made a bit of small talk before having a little snog. While we were lying in bed a couple orgasms later I was reflecting on what had just happened. Now I’m all up for a bit of dirty talk, this can really get a girl in the mood but when this includes phrases such as “oh you dirty little slut” “you dirty fucking bitch, you filthy whore” I was less turned on and got up on my feminist high horse!! Just because I enjoy sex doesn’t make me a whore or a slut and I felt this showed a lack of respect for my fellow women out there who also enjoyed being comfortable with who they are!!

What I should also mention is that during our intimate time he asked for something which shocked me a little, something I have never been asked before ……….. He asked me to bite his knob!!! Now I don’t know about you but I have always done my absolute best to keep my teeth away from this area, so when I asked how hard you can imagine my surprise when he replied
“put it this way, if you draw blood…. that’s too hard!”.
Now I have several gay friends and I have asked them if they have ever been asked this, after their initial wincing they all said a resounding NOOOOOOOOOO!!

During my reflection time the easter bunny decided that this was the time to share what his sexual likes were. He liked things dirty, and “the dirtier the better”, my mind went to a bit of S&M, I could handle this, nothing too extreme though. I thought I better clarify considering the previous hour or so, plus I was intrigued, I had no intention of seeing him again at this point but was still interested to find out what he considered dirty!
“how dirty?” I ask,
“well put it this way; the last girl I was with put mini eggs up her ass then sat on my face and I ate them”
“I won’t be doing that, it’s unhygienic”

He left shortly after….
“Do you fancy a repeat at some point?” the easter bunny asked,
“I think we are into different things” I replied

I didn’t fancy an easter egg hun where I was the hiding ground!!!!

An introduction to my dating life……

I moved to London when I was twenty-three to work as Nurse and am now thirty.  It’s safe to say that after seven years of living here, I have had what my friends assure me are frankly some quite unusual dating experiences!  I’m just a normal girl I’ve met guys in all the normal ways for someone that lives in the city….. on nights out, on public transport or just like lots of other singles, online.  Some dates have gone well and ended in a few months of fun dating and lots of great sex; others were good dates which then led to what I thought would be a great night of passion and turned out to be a massive flop both figeratively and literally…… and then there were those dates that lasted just an hour due to out and out weirdness!!!!!  I hope the following posts bring you as many giggles as they have given my friends and eventually……. me!! x